Anxiety is a common occurrence that affects everyone, but anxiety disorder is a more serious problem. Although there are up to 1.5 million cases of anxiety disorder each year, it is still widely misunderstood by both those suffering from the illness and the general public.
When I google "anxiety disorder" I hope to find stories about people’s personal experiences, but I rarely do. I decided to write about a personal experience that would be relatable to others.
Imagine you’re out with your friends and family when you suddenly feel a sharp pain in your chest. Your heart begins to race as you realize anxiety has returned. Holding your chest doesn’t help much with the growing pain. As you gaze out the window, tears well up in your eyes.
Due to your inability to manage your emotions, your body alerts you that you’re losing touch with reality. Your friends ask you to explain what is wrong, but you are at a loss for words.
This is what anxiety feels like.
Living with anxiety is as challenging as living with any other mental illness. Someone once told me that he didn’t consider anxiety to be as serious as other mental health issues, and who can blame him? Anxiety affects everyone in different ways.
Anxiety disorders are not the same as the anxiety you might experience before an exam. Anxiety is when you allow your phone to ring without answering because you are worried about what the person will say.
Anxiety is a bully in my opinion. It confuses and tricks you into thinking you’re fine, but then it appears unexpectedly and without warning. I recall having an episode one day where I felt as if I was choking on my emotions. That would be difficult to imagine because it’s not something you’d hear by chance.
I remember sitting in the bus one day and suddenly being unable to breathe properly. I fought back tears and tried to appear normal which is exactly what anxiety does. When your emotions are slowly tearing you apart, you have to make an extra effort to act as if everything is fine.
Anxiety causes pain — Pain that most people cannot comprehend. I try to explain my pain, but it is ultimately futile. Explaining my anxiety is exhausting because people frequently assume I’m hiding my flaws behind anxiety. They will say:
“Stop making excuses.”
I’ve come to the sad conclusion that only the affected person truly understands.
Anxiety causes you to lose interest in the things you enjoy because you can’t bring yourself to finish the task. I sometimes just watch myself do nothing, despite the fact that I would prefer to be productive. Because of my anxiety, I frequently feel like an alien in my own body.
Anxiety will cause you to doubt your own reality.
Although things may get worse than they are now, it will be fine in the end. I’m not going to make a list of things you should do because they never work for me; instead, I’m going to make a list of things you shouldn’t do. I’ll mention two key factors that have kept me going.
- Don’t give up!
There will be days when you want to give up, but don’t. If you must crawl, crawl. If you must run, run. However, never give up. If no one is available to console you, console yourself. When life becomes unbearable, hold on to the thing that gives you meaning, which for me is God.
- Don’t drag yourself down!
It is very easy to berate yourself, but this is wrong. Be gentle with yourself. When you notice you are thinking negatively, have a logical conversation with yourself. Don’t become your worst enemy.
Therapy is important because it reveals the source of your problems, so I urge you to go for it. Your anxiety may never go away, but that’s okay; it can be managed so that it doesn’t interfere with the quality of your life.
You’ll get there one step at a time.
